Dear President Trump,

Dear President Trump,

Happy Groundhog Day. Happy Groundhog Day. I trust you’ve seen that movie? I trust you’ve seen that movie?

It must be so exciting to be the leader of the Free World. Nothing is repeated, everything is brand new every day. And if you do happen to get bored, why, you’re the President! You can go on national TV any time you wish, mock Sen. Schumer for having emotions (how dare he prove his humanity!), grab a groundhog by its…. um, yeah. Let’s not go there.

And let’s not forget all those press conferences where Giuliani brown-noses himself into oblivion. That was a real treat. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a grown man bend over backward on TV before. It’s fantastic, really, just fabulous, that nothing is ever enough for you. You have the biggest ego – it’s true! Anyone who says differently is clearly fake news. – but you don’t let that stop you from feeding your ego more and more every day. Just fantastic.

In fact, you’ve accomplished so very much in office already that one might say you’ve crammed four years of work into less than two weeks. Why, I bet you could abdicate your throne today and it would be smooth sailing for the next 1447 days. You’d much rather be firing people on reality TV anyway, right?




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