Dear President Trump,

You’re not the first person to come up with the idea of building a big, beautiful wall. In the 21st century B.C.E., Shulgi and Shu-Sin built a wall to protect the Sumerians from the Amorites. It stretched for about 100 miles in what is now modern-day Iraq. Unfortunately, it didn’t really work. Cause, you know, people could just walk around it. But hey, kudos to them for trying. (I know all this because I just read it on The History Channel website. Because facts. Yay, facts.)

I have no doubt that your big, beautiful wall will be far more bigly and yuge and tremendous and all those other superlatives you enjoy using because your vocabulary loved the fourth grade so much it decided to stay there. At least, I hope the wall will be bigly. We need protection from those dangerous avocados. Have you SEEN what one of those things looks like all mashed up? Yuck.

Sincerely,

JG

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